Marriage and Infidelity

Marriage and Infidelity

There are no excuses for marital infidelity but there are a lot of reasons why it happens. And most of them could have been prevented.

It’s really a toss up on which is worse, to find out your soul mate had an affair or that they had just died. When you found out about an affair you wanted to kill them yourself. And that is understandable.

The problem is, you still love them and glad that they are not dead but, at the same time wanting to kill them with your bare hands for betraying you like that. That’s an emotional roller coaster that nobody should have to go through.

A thousand questions were going through your mind. Why would they do this to me? What did I do to deserve being treated like this? Why could my soul mate stab me in the back like this? Who were they with? And how could this have happened to me? The list goes on.

One of the easiest things in the world to do is to blame your mate, and that could be true if they had a track record of doing things like this. Now if that’s how you got them to begin with by stealing some else’s mate.

Well duh, what comes around goes around. Pay back is a given. You reap the seeds that you sow. Go ahead and pass them on to the next sucker. And learn your lesson then move on.

However, that was probably not the case in your situation. There must have been some other issues going on in your relationship at the time to allow this to happen. The point is before you get a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings it may be worth a little of your time to think this whole thing out.

Because, you were taught math you know that two plus two equals four. You have to study and take a test to get a drivers license to drive a car but, to get a license to get married you just have to get a blood test. How long did you have to study for that?

So, this may be your problem but, not necessarily your fault. How many classes in school did you take on relationships? Did they even offer a class like marriage 101? NO. The only teaching you got on marriage and relationships was what you happen to learn growing up and watching other people.

There lies the problem. A lot of people didn’t have both parents when they were growing up because of divorce and even if they did there is a lot that goes on behind closed doors that the kids never even know about.

As humans we tend to be self centered. It’s all about me so to speak. And then when we get married to someone that thinks the same way there is going to be some issues. It’s unavoidable until at least one of them realizes it’s not about what is best for me but, what is best for us. How can I make my mates life better and in so doing make mine better too?

There was a story on the Internet awhile back about heaven and hell. In hell there were eight people sitting around a table with a big pot of stew in the middle. No one could get out of their seats.

In their hands was a long spoon that could reach the pot of stew but, they had to hold on to the end of the spoon. So they could reach the stew but couldn’t get any of it in their mouth. Those people were grumpy and starving to death.

The same scenario in heaven was going on however, those people weren’t thinking about themselves they were feeding each other and cutting up having a good time.

Before the affair was your marriage more like heaven or hell?

You could file for a divorce and you have all the reason you need to do it. However, before you do and start blaming them for the entire fault.

Think about this for just one second. Do you really love them? Is it possible for you to forgive them? Could you have been just to busy with other commitments that they felt ignored? Were you meeting their needs?

If you divorce them what will you do different in another relationship? What will make the next one any better? Will you be judging them because of what your ex did?

The deal is, you will be better off if you can forgive them and work this out. If you can’t forgive or they can’t agree that what they did was wrong you are better off without them.

You can’t live in a marriage without forgiveness or holding a grudge, which just won’t work. And what they did to you is unacceptable and almost unforgivable if it weren’t for you being as big of a person as you are.

At the same time you may have to except some of the blame. Why you say? Because if they had all their needs met and they were happy with you this could have never happened.

In this world we live in today being pushed and pulled in every direction it is easy to get our priorities messed up. Then our loved ones suffer as a result. You wouldn’t do any thing intentionally to hurt them.

In a marriage when infidelity is involved someone’s heart is going to feel like a knife was stuck in it. Even if through ignorance they had a small part in bringing this on. That’s not to say that the hurt party was stupid by any means.

It’s just that they didn’t see the signs of what was coming and through their actions or inactions opened the door to this life changing event.

And that’s where sensitivity comes into play. Most people are sensitive to their own feelings and ignore their mates. Marriage takes two to make a team. Like the coach said there is no I in team, he also said when you play, play to win. (Reminder) Your mate is not your opponent!

When one mate gets preoccupied or over committed the other one does their own thing feeling like they have to take care of them self.

If you are the one that has been cheated on I feel your pain and know exactly what you are going through and know it hurts so bad a knife in the heart would be a blessing. Death is almost welcomed versus just being stabbed in the back and having to suffer this kind of pain.

However, since you are still alive, the question is how do you deal with this?

Have to assume that you still love them because you are still reading this. You could have gotten a lawyer by now if you didn’t.

Are you ready for the truth? Some how, some way you let your guard down and the communications lines weren’t working right. You assumed that your mate loved you as much as you did them and could take whatever came along and still be faithful.

Well apparently not, could it have been you just had too many other commitments? With your job, kids sports, PTA, friends or other things that you were just too busy to pay attention to their emotional or physical needs?

Did you make them feel important or include them in your extra activities? Did you show them understanding in a disagreement or belittle them because they didn’t think the way you did?

In a conversation do you interrupt them? That makes them feel like you are not listening to them. And that you don’t care about their opinion or even them for that matter.

Are you fun to be around? Or on their case all the time? Is nothing good enough or soon enough to suit you? That makes them feel in adequate.

A man needs to feel respected, appreciated and important and a woman needs to feel loved, taken care and admired. And if their needs aren’t met at home and some smooth talker comes along and meets their needs then one thing leads to another and an affair could happen.

Before you go throwing stones at your mate consider this. If they weren’t human you wouldn’t have married them. And part of being human is that we all (yes including you) are vulnerable to temptation.

If you were in the same kind of situation and you let your guard down you may have been the guilty party. That wouldn’t make it right by any means but it still could have happened to you as well.

Now that you are aware of the situation how are you going to handle it? Take the easy way out? With a lawyer? Or get to the root of the cause and change things so it never happens again?

The bottom line is at this point you have a big decision to make. You have to count the cost. Is your marriage worth saving? Can you ever trust them again? Are you just going to give up and let some fool break up your marriage and steal your mate?

No body can answer those questions for you, that is totally up to you. However, if you are willing to change whatever drove them away from you. And you can forgive your mate there is hope and a stronger bond with them because you did.

It’s a hard decision to make but, if you are leaning toward staying together there is an e-book that I would recommend and it’s called Save My Marriage Today. It’s written by Amy Waterman. She is able to help you get through this rough time and get things back in order.

She also has a free six part mini course to help save relationships. It’s called 6 Most Common Reasons for Divorce and How to Stop Them From Happening to You.

Part 1 Risk factors for divorce and why you should ignore them

Part 2 The real marriage killer: Loss of love and intimacy

Part 3 Affairs: How to spot them and prevent them before they occur

Part 4 Poor communication: getting touchy feely with your partner

Part 5 Lack of commitment: if you are involved in something (or someone) else, you are not

involved in your spouse

Part 6 Growing apart: keep it from happening to you

If you’re ready to get a handle on this situation, take control and get your marriage back on track check out Amy’s book. Save My Marriage Today

This book should be taught in our schools. Lack of knowledge and procrastination hasn’t been your friend so far. Now is your chance to over come them both before it’s too late.

Only you know what you will lose by going through a divorce. But, you have nothing to lose by trying Save My Marriage Today with an eight week money back guarantee.

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