Marriage Back When Grandma was Young

What makes these days different from our grandparents days? When they got married they stayed married. Were they tougher, smarter, and more committed or just didn’t have all the outside influences that we have today?

Times really have changed over the last 80 years or so. Back then they had radio and that was very limited to what stations they could pick up. Television wasn’t a house hold word like it is today either.

So, Hollywood’s morals or lack of wasn’t being pumped into their homes. It used to be a shame for a woman to have a baby out of wedlock or get a divorce. And it didn’t take a village to raise their kids for them.

Another old fashion thing they had back then was common sense. There was no need for sex education in schools. Kids could figure that out naturally on their own in an afternoon watching the animals on the farm.

And two bulls or two cows can’t make a calf. Animals have more common sense then some people do. And there was no need to teach an unnatural life style just to be politically correct. Right was right and wrong was wrong and everybody knew the difference.

There was no confusion in the home. Men were the head of the house and that was ok with women. Because, they knew how to turn that head and let him think it was his idea.

How does that work you ask? Let me share a little story about my Grandmother and how she handled a situation when she didn’t get her way.

Now this was about 80 years ago and women were much more dependant on their husbands then they are these days. My Grandmother didn’t drive so if she wanted to go somewhere Granddad or a family member had to take her or she could walk.

They lived out of town quite a ways on a farm. And one morning they had an argument so when Granddad went outside to do his chores Grandmother decided she was going to take her two little kids and just leave him for good.

She packed a grocery sack with clothes, grabbed the kids and started walking toward town. A little while into her walk she got to thinking. How am I going to support these children? Where are we going to sleep? So, she turned around and went back home.

When she got there she unpacked the grocery sack and had lunch ready when Granddad came into eat. And didn’t tell him about what just happened for years. There was nothing to gain by saying anything. On her walk home she decided that she had the same rags to get glad in that she got mad in and to be grateful for what she had.

And it all worked out. They celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary together before she died. So, did she come back home defeated? No, just a little smarter. She knew that she wouldn’t always get her way but she could change her odds on that if she played with the system and not against it.

If you are petting a kitty and it is trying to claw you, all you have to do is turn the kitty around. Because, you were petting it in the wrong direction. Egos are the same way. And a woman that figures that out is a little humbled and a lot more empowered.

Here is how that works. We tend to like those who like us. We like those who are like us and say so. And we really like those who work with us in a cooperative way, to achieve success.

Now a wife’s idea of success could be different than her husband’s and the husband wants to feel like he is in control and has respect. If the man is the head of the house then the woman is just a little lower so, she has to be the neck. And the neck actually controls the head.

This is true up to a point. Men are not stupid generally so, it requires a little finesse on the wife’s part. If she is ungrateful, complaining and there is a lot of drama every time she doesn’t get her way the man will bail on that relationship.

However, if she is smart she will be kind, respectful, and pet his ego then he will do almost anything for her. He will be sitting at an opera instead of watching a football game thinking it was his idea to be there.

There is a thing called the law of reciprocity. It applies to gifts, favors, services and even concessions in bargaining and negotiation. It creates partnerships, alliances and allegiances. If you want to be owed, you should act first.

The law of reciprocity says they’ll give back. So instead of thinking it’s all about me, think it’s about them. And you will reap the seeds you sow. It’s like the law of gravity you can’t get around it so, be careful to plant good seeds and not weeds.

If you are having problems in your marriage my friend Amy Waterman wrote a book called Save my Marriage Today. Personally I think it should be required reading for any couple that is even thinking about marriage. Wish she had written it years ago!

Just for fun check out 5 Ways to Misery.

It’s a short video