Death in Marriages and Infidelities

Death in Marriages and Infidelities

Death in marriages and infidelities. Dog gone it, this subject vacuums! In other words SUCKS But, it happens every day so, let’s shine some light on it and bring it out of the dark so, we can see what is really happening in relationships.

No marriage will survive dishonesty because, no one likes being lied to. There is really no such thing as a white lie it’s either truth or falsehood. Sometimes though 3 people can watch the same accident happen and get different views of the same scene. Now, no one is lying it’s just different perspectives from different angles.

And death in marriages and infidelities happen the same way. That’s because, men and women see things from a different perspective. Which actually worked for them when they found their mate. They weren’t looking for a carbon copy of themselves. Were they?  Of course not.

So, They had to settle for someone less then perfect. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Now, here is where the honesty on your part has to kick in. You have to admit that you’re not exactly perfect either. OK, close but, still lacking just a little. If you can’t admit that, you may as well stop reading now, get a divorce and go live in your perfect little world by yourself if you can find it.

Are you still reading? Good! Honesty is the best policy! Let’s get back to the subject of death in marriages and infidelities. Marriage is like a dance. It takes two to Tango but, only one to lead. So, if your marriage is not going in the right direction take the lead!

How you say? Good question. First you have to realize love is not a feeling it’s an action and only when you act in love do you get that feeling. Think about when you first got married you were both putting your best foot forward so to speak. What happened? Did one of you start taking the other one for granted?

Well, it doesn’t have to stay that way! Because that’s how death in marriages and infidelities start. You have to take responsibility for your own feelings and act the way that you want to feel. You don’t realize how much power you have over your situation. You can put your marriage back up on the proverbial cloud 9 or run it right into the divorce court with your actions.

The point is, this is really your choice how your marriage will end up or just end. And truth be known you are hoping for the former rather than the latter or you wouldn’t be here right now. Would you?

Allow me to share something with you and get off on a little rabbit trail here for just a minute. There was a small study done on how much weight horses can pull. The average horse can pull 2,500 lbs. by itself. But, when they hooked two horses up together they could pull 12,500lbs.

Now, your saying to yourself what’s that got to do with death in marriages and infidelities? And that’s a really good question! It’s all about team work. Two working together can do more then two working by themselves.

When your mate feels like they are working by them self without your help they feel like you don’t care about them. And if by chance someone else comes along that will work with them you basically are being replaced. And that’s how death in marriages and infidelities get started.

Pardon me, OK, I hear you now. You asked, what if my mate is not a team player on my team? That’s what I like about you! You are curious and that’s healthy. It means you care about your marriage and you are teachable.

To answer your question, if your mate is not on your team then just switch sides and be on theirs. This works to pull marriages back together even after an affair.

How do I switch sides and be on their team? And why would I want to after an affair?

Let’s start with the second question first. If you have any time and emotions invested in your relationship are you ready to give it all up just because your mate had a brain fart? And let some swash buckler or wench take your place? Not to mention if you have children how it will effect their lives or how much of your assets the attorneys are going to get when it’s all said and done.

If you are not ready to give up on your relationship and start all over again then here is how you switch sides. Will Rogers said “I never met a man I didn’t like”. How is that possible? Because, he looked for the good in people. When asked about the town drunk. What’s good about him? He said ” he sure can whistle good”.

Let me ask you this. How hard is it for you to like a person and even go out of your way and do something extra for them after they treated you nice, gave you a compliment or showed you undeserved respect? Not to hard is it!

Well, that’s how you switch sides and end up on the same team as your mate.

You have to understand that life is all about seed time and harvest. Now most people don’t get this or it just goes over their head and that’s why there is death in marriages and infidelities.

When you first met each other you were both sowing good seeds toward this relationship. Seeds like admiration, love, respect, compassion, compromise  and understanding. With a little time you both got your harvest called marriage.

Marriage is not the end it’s just the beginning of your relationship! What kind of seeds are being sown now after the honeymoon is over? Did one of you start sowing weed seeds of discontent, disrespect or negative attitude with their words or actions and the other one fertilized it with their words or reactions?

How do you think it would effect your marriage if your mate started showing you respect, appreciation or giving you compliments? (Think about it I’ll wait.) That would be kind of nice wouldn’t it? Ya, but they’re not doing that. Ya, but what’s stopping you? Take control and be a leader.

I challenge you for the next 30 days, every day do at least one act of kindness for your mate. Find at least one thing to thank them for and one thing to compliment them on. They say it only takes about 12 days to form a habit and it will get easier the more you do it. Before long you will see a noticeable change in your harvest.

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  1. Posted August 28, 2009 at 1:22 am | Permalink

    Respect, appreciation or giving compliments is not easy if it does not come from the heart. There must be a reason for a person to voluntarily express these virtues.

    Marriage is truly complicated, one must muster the courage to forgive and forget.

  2. admin
    Posted August 29, 2009 at 4:34 am | Permalink

    Thanks for your comment Walter,

    Yes, I agree with you. Anything worth having or keeping isn’t always going to be easy especially in a relationship between two different people with different personalities. I call it the attractor factor.

    We all know we have some rough edges that need to be honed down a bit and when you choose a mate you know that they aren’t perfect either. However, the grinding usually doesn’t start until after the honeymoon is over.

    And that’s when most marriages get into trouble. One partner feels like they own the other one now. They can see the diamond inside that stone and wants to make it shine right NOW.

    But, it don’t work like that! The honing has to be done slow with love, patience and respect because, too fast is too painful. And being human we all avoid pain as much as we possibly can.

    And that’s one way affairs get started. That dosen’t make it right! But, sometimes it happens. As far as forgiving, It’s a must. You have to and let it go! As far as forgetting, well, that’s about as painfull as having your finger cut off in a saw. No, you won’t ever forget.

    But, you can get over it and move on without bringing it up all the time. Talking about a missing finger won’t bring it back so, what’s the point?

    Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love coverth all sins. Proverbs 10:12

  3. Sherri
    Posted April 18, 2016 at 1:47 pm | Permalink

    No to moving on in the same relationship after an affair. I had one previous to my second marriage and we stayed together 10 years after. I was selfish and self serving and affairs are about nothing but self gratification period. Everything in the relationship can either be fixed or move on but to have an affair is neither of the two, it’s all about you and the way you feel, what your not getting , what you want no matter what brought you there. One thing I can say and anyone who says otherwise is just needing an excuse for their selfish actions ” affairs happen because you choose for it to happen” they don’t just happen. And if you slip and fall on a “d@@@ or the opposite” well then, you have other issues much deeper than relationship problems , just my opinion.

    Christopher: I’ll agree with you Sherri an affair is self-serving and self-centered. And they never start in a bed. They always start in the head. The reason why people let their imagination get that far is a lack of self-control.

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