Marriage with your Soul Mate

Marriage with your Soul Mate

Did you feel like you married your soul mate? But, now it’s not going exactly the way a storybook marriage like you imagined should be. And looking back on all the illusory external things that attracted you to them you are having second thoughts.

Well, don’t feel alone there because hind site is twenty-twenty as they say. However, here’s a couple more sayings also. Go with your first impression and don’t try to second guess yourself. And you made your own bed now lie in it.

More often than not, people get distracted by a potential mates looks or social status or possibly a hundred other attributes thinking this is my soul mate that I want to marry. So, they jump right into marriage head first without doing their own soul searching to figure themselves out.

Then after the honey moon period is over they think this is not my soul mate, we argue too much. But, that doesn’t mean they’re not your soul mate, all that means is you are still going through the growing process.

Scott, the Traveling Salesman and the Drunk Fly

The old carpenter that taught me how to frame houses told me this story about his dad Scott and it went something like this:

Scott lived in the hills of Arkansas back in the 1930’s and about every week or two a traveling salesman would come around and visit Scott for about an hour or so. Scott wouldn’t always buy something from him but, when he did he always felt like he got a good deal.

One day the salesman came and they were out by his store on wheels showing Scott the latest and greatest gadgets he had. And a fly kept pestering them so the salesman pulled out a can of bug spray and squirted the fly and it dropped from mid air, and he stepped on it for good measure.

Scott said I got to have some of that! The salesman said I’ve only got a few cans left but, since I already showed you how to use it here you go. That evening Scott was eating dinner and a fly was pestering him so, he pulls out the can and drops it in mid air. He says this is great stuff but, in a few minutes the fly gets up and flies off.

Scott goes through about half that can of bug spray the next day and the flies just keep getting up and flying away. He says this stuff is worthless and put it on a shelf.

About a week later the salesman comes back around and asks Scott if he wants anymore bug spray. Scott says no the stuff don’t work all it does is get them drunk and they get up and fly away.

The salesman said I showed you how to use it. You mean to tell me once you get a little bitty fly down you can’t kill it! Scott felt like a fool and so he didn’t ask for his money back.

The point is Scott liked the salesman and they had a win/win relationship between them so, there was no advantage for him to ruin a friendship. Some times you win and some times not so much but, in the total scheme of things it’s all good.

The Next Step

Scott had that fly down and all he had to do was take the next step before it flew away. You married your soul mate (although it may not seem like it right now). So, what’s your next step?

First of all you have to realize the issues in your marriage. And they didn’t just spring up over night nor, will they all go away today. Marriage is for the long haul it’s not just a trip around the block.

You get to go through spring and you have to go through summer to get to the fall and winter part of the four seasons of marriage. Unfortunately a lot of relationships don’t make it through the summer to really find their soul mate in their marriage.

It Gets Darker Just Before the Dawn

Have you ever been out camping and sleeping on the ground? Just before dawn it seems colder and darker and you think the day will never break and then the sun comes up. It gets warmer and brighter, a new day has finally arrived.

The sun coming around the globe changed the night into day just like it has since time began. Being outside waiting on that change is not exactly comfortable. And neither is waiting on your partner to change into your soul mate.

The sun really never changes from day to night it’s just our point of view. You could jump on a jet and follow the sun around the earth and it would always be day in your perspective then.

However, people do change over time. And truth be known you have probably changed some since you married your soul mate too. The problem with change is we are all for it if it is our idea but, if you are forced into it by someone else we fight it. And sometimes we don’t take advice from our friends or partners because they have been wrong before. Can we agree on that?

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

You can tell your soul mate you love them until you’re blue in the face but, if you treat them hatefully, they won’t believe you any more. You have to accept the fact that you will never change your soul mate by your words alone.

If you want your soul mate to change you have to do it first. In other words you have to be the leader in this relationship dance. You have to be to them what you want them to be to you first. And once you can wrap your mind around that concept and make that commitment to your self to actually do it. There’s no battle any more it just gets better from there.

That’s not to say you will never have any more disagreements or that all your issues in marriage will be gone over night but, if you make the change in your life your soul mate probably will too.

The bottom line is some changes have to be made because you’re not happy right now. Right? Or why would you be here looking for answers for your marriage mistakes?  You can wait on your soul mate to change which may include a lawyer and then you will have a big change in your life. And not necessarily what you wanted.

Or you can take the bull by the horns and do the changing to suit yourself. In reality you are in control of your own life and you have the ability to take charge and change it if you have the courage. Or you can just take what ever life throws at you.

So, do you want to be like Scott and let your soul mate just fly away or are you ready to take the next step to be in control of the situation?

If you are ready Mort Fertel can help you discover that the one you married is in reality your true  soul mate.


  1. Posted November 18, 2009 at 7:57 am | Permalink

    Nice post & nice blog. I love both.

  2. admin
    Posted November 18, 2009 at 3:31 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for your encouragement Paul

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