A Marriage Mess

A Marriage Mess

Are you asking yourself how did I ever get into a marriage mess like this? Well, don’t feel alone because thousands of people are asking themselves a similar question every day. And the answer is because it was so easy to do.

It’s easy to meet someone and feel an attraction to them. It’s like two magnets being drawn toward each other. We found some common interests and start dating for awhile. The next thing you know we fell in love and got married to an almost complete stranger.

People are just like magnets we all have our positive side and our negative side. In public we try to put on a persona to convince others that we have it all together. And that’s the side we tend to show to each other before the honey moon ended.

But, once we started living together and the rings were on your fingers we got to see behind the curtain. And all the illusions of the public presentations were reveled. What once was seen as perfection is now not so perfect and those common interests are not so common anymore. And that storybook marriage now seems like a marriage mess.

Where Did I Go Wrong?

It is so easy to get caught up in the moment when love is in the air. And with time moving so fast these days with micro wave ovens and high speed internet. Who has time to wait on things anymore? Love is love right? And love concurs all right?

Well, true love does and that’s where most people get confused. There is a big difference between lust and true love! Love is timeless and can wait, lust is instant gratification. And there’s where a marriage mess can go wrong from the start.

How long did we date our mate before we got intimate with them?  Sex is great and everybody should experience it but, outside of marriage it has a way of clouding good judgment.  It will even turn honest married folks into liars if they get together with someone that’s not their mate.

A few questions before the candles got lit and the lights got dimed for the first time would have been in order. All kinds of issues come up later because we didn’t ask about things like: Family, friends, past history, future plans, habits, religious views, accountability with money and trust. And the list goes on.

And, then some would say I don’t know them well enough to ask personal questions like that. But, how much more personal can we get, before we take all our cloths off? It’s a good way to end up in a failing marriage.

Is There Any Hope For a Marriage Mess?

There is always hope if one of the two is willing to work on it. It will require a few changes and could take some time to put it back on track. Chances are one is offended and maybe has even moved out already. But, that doesn’t mean it’s totally over just yet.

It all depends on how bad someone wants something and how much they are willing to work to get it. Anything worth having is worth working for. When things come too easy we don’t appreciate them as much.

Almost anything and even a marriage mess can be worked out with enough time, communication, commitment and compromise. It’s a whole lot easier when both parties are willing to work together on it. But, with even just one willing to change things it can get better.

Since we can’t always change our partners we have to work on ourselves. We can change our perspective and look at the positive side of the situation instead of the negative side. It may not be easy at first because we live in a negative world and that’s how we seem to be programmed.

Time to Change the Station

We all listen to the same station in our heads and it’s called WIIFM. What’s in it for me? And when we start complaining to our friends about our mate they like to sing the same tune and tell us how bad we have it.

They are quick to help us dig a foundation for a wall of separation between us and our mate. The only problem is its one wall we don’t need in our home because that just adds to a marriage mess instead of cleaning it up.

But, what if that station was changed from WIIFM to WCIDFT. What can I do for them? I know it goes against all our programming however, it works! It causes the law of reciprocity to work for us in a positive way.

When we find ourselves in a marriage mess we have some choices though. We can just keep doing the same old things that got us here and learn to live with it. Or we can jump ship and hope something better will come along or learn to love.

Decision Time

We all make decisions every minute of the day either consciously or subconsciously. Take breathing for instance. How much thought do we put into that? It just comes naturally like arguing, nagging or yelling at our mate does.

Now, pearl divers have to be more conscious about their breathing while under water. At first holding their breath for several minutes at a time goes against every fiber of their being. But, they train themselves to do it anyway. Because if they don’t they won’t survive and if they do, there could be rewards of finding pearls of great value.

A marriage mess sure didn’t start out that way! So, what happened? We did what came naturally and reacted instead of acted. Reactions are automatic and actions takes training. If we want the right out come to help our marriage to survive all the pressures life throws on us.

The word divorce is searched on Google thirteen million six hundred thousand times a month. Probably because people want an easy way out of their marriage mess instead of doing what seems to be unnatural at first.

Growing up, my neighbor next door would see a wreck and ring his hands run around in circles and say OMG, OMG. But, now he is grown and is the county sheriff handling those kinds of situations all the time. The only difference is maturity and training.

Even great marriages have their share of issues come up every once in a while. The big difference between a great marriage and a marriage mess is a little bit of knowledge on how to defuse the situation before it blows up in a divorce court.

If your marriage could use a little boost, sign up to Mort Fertel’s “7 Secrets for Fixing Your Marriage.” It’s all but free except for giving your name and e-mail address so he can send it to you. And you can opt out any time you want to.

In secret #2 instead of fifty ways to leave your lover he gives you fifty small ways to love your lover. He gives you one secret every other day to give you time to put them into practice. But, after secret #2 you should start seeing a difference in your marriage.

If you have read this far you either have way too much time on your hands or you feel like your marriage is in a mess. No matter what you do now you are making a decision. You can click away or you can start on cleaning up a marriage mess.

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