What Does it Take to Spice up My Marriage

What Does it Take to Spice up My Marriage

Our marriage started out pretty good and in just a few short years it was like the new wore off and somehow just went down hill from there. We tend to argue over little things for no particular reason…. Sound familiar?

Enthusiasm is to marriage like salt is to pretzels. It’s the spice that keeps it from getting stale and boring.

Have you ever shaken somebody’s hand and you felt like you had a hold of a dead fish? There was just no life to it. And when they said nice to meet you, it made you think to yourself, you sure don’t act like it.

Then you meet somebody with a firm, hardy and enthusiastic handshake and it makes you feel like they really are glad to meet me. Enthusiasm is contagious and so is the lack of it.

There were two grade school sisters, the older one knows she is cute and thinks the world revolves around her. She is somewhat outgoing, not afraid to meet new kids but, wants them to cater to her and be looked up to.

Now, her little sister was a little over weight but, not self conscience about it, she was as out going as they come and not self centered at all. She was a natural born leader but, wanted to encourage other kids be the leader when she could. Whatever she did she did with enthusiasm.

Needless to say she was a whole lot more popular than her older sister and got invited to all the birthday parties and sleepovers while her sister was sitting at home wondering why she was always left out.

I found it humorous one day when I was visiting their dad. They both came home from school and it just so happened on that day the kids at school got to vote on who was the most congenial kid in their class.

The older girl came in first. And she was upset saying I don’t know why I never get that award. Then her little sister came in and said I don’t know why I always get this award.

By the time they got to high school the older sister finally figured out her little sister’s secrets to success. Which was, it’s not all about me and the attraction people have for enthusiasm. Now she has lots of friends too.

Okay, I hear you saying, Chris what’s that tale of two sisters got to do with the price of tea in China or how to spice up my marriage? Well, to tell the truth I can’t give you any advice on buying tea or any other commodities because, I lost twenty grand in the commodities market before I gave up.

However, I can tell you what a little enthusiasm can do for you and your marriage. If you are anything like me, it’s hard not to like someone that is full of life and excitement. Well I call it enthusiasm anyway, and find it hard to resist!

Where does it come from? It comes from inside of us, from our very own thoughts on how we perceive things. For a positive person like the younger sister it just comes naturally.

I think she was just born with it but, her older sister was able to learn it from her so, that told me enthusiasm can be taught. But, who teaches enthusiasm? I must have missed that day of school myself.

Most generally though if you have enthusiasm you will be more like a magnet and draw other like minded people to you.

Why do you think the cheerleaders were so popular with the jocks in school? It wasn’t because they were all so beautiful. In fact some of them were rather of the plain Jane type. It was simply because; they showed enthusiasm for their sport, which gave them a commonality.

Think about it, how often do you find yourself visiting a nursing home where you have nothing in common? And how often do you go were you can find more excitement or action happening with others similar to you?

True enthusiasm is like a spice and can flavor up most any situation. It takes mediocrity and turns it into something extraordinary. It can make an average trip into an adventure. It can make an everyday chore into a great accomplishment.

Here are some quotes I found on it.

Act enthusiastic and you will be enthusiastic — Dale Carnegie

Love works the same way. The more we act like we’re in love the more we feel like it. Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it and then watch it multiply.

None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm — Henry David Thoreau

I was visiting a friend at a nursing home and one old guy there had lost all enthusiasm. He told me if there was 100 dollar bill on the floor he wouldn’t bend over to pick it up because; it just doesn’t mean anything to him any more.

It’s faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes a life worth living. —Oliver Wendell Holmes

Knowledge is power and enthusiasm pulls the switch — Steve Droke

If you are not fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. —Vince Lombardi

One of the main causes for infidelity in a marriage is complacency or lack of enthusiasm from one of the partners and when the other one is tempted by someone else with it, it can be difficult to resist.

Enthusiasm releases the drive to carry you over obstacles and adds significance to all you do. — Norman Vincent Peale

The real secret of success is enthusiasm. — Walter Chrysler

The way to develop the best of any person is by enthusiastic appreciation and encouragement. That was a quote by Charles M. Schwab but, I changed it just a bit to shorten it and make a point. Think about it for a minute, I’ll wait!

Can you think of one single person that you know of that doesn’t like to feel appreciated or doesn’t like to be encouraged? No? Me either! Its just human nature we all love appreciation, encouragement and enthusiasm.

Our parents used it on us when we were young to get us to do our chores. You know what? Even though we may be in adult bodies now we are all children at heart. And sometimes we still do dumb things and get ourselves in trouble but, we don’t like living there.

We just want to take our whacks, learn our lesson, be forgiven and move on closer to the enthusiastic appreciation and encouragement.

Okay, I hear you! But, Chris you don’t understand! I want to spice up my marriage but, it may be too late. My mate treats me like dirt and walks all over me!

Well, treat them like dirt right back! But, in a different way though, use them to plant your seeds of appreciation and encouragement in, and water it with some enthusiasm. You will be surprised how quick your crop will grow.

You’ll know when its harvest time because they will be planting the same kind of seeds in you! And you just thought your honey moon was good!

If you want to accomplish any goal all you need is knowledge, enthusiasm and persistence. Any lacking of one of those three will cause delays at best and usually ends in failure.

I knew a gal that got married and the first meal she made for her husband was spaghetti. Wanting to show his appreciation for her, he complimented her for such a good dinner so, every evening for about a week she made spaghetti.

Finally he asked her if that was all she knew how to cook. And being young and naive she said I thought you liked my spaghetti. He said I do but, not every day! I like fish, pork, beef, chicken or beans and cornbread too. Shoot I’d probably like foods I’ve never even tried yet.

And that’s the same as some marriages get after awhile. When it settles into a set routine and then it gets old and boring in no time. Even date nights end up at the same old places doing the same old things.

Variety can help spice up a marriage too. Michael Webb has a book out called “300 Creative Date Ideas”. He shows how to have a good time with your partner without spending a lot of money for a memorable date.


  1. Erin
    Posted April 7, 2010 at 1:23 pm | Permalink

    I LOVED reading this! There is so much truth in it all…I remember being in high school and I was always afraid to show excitement I was shy and didn’t want to be noticed. I had a teacher who was always smiling and she talked to us like we were little kids but we loved it! She babied us and made us all feel special! She was a woman who really had the love of Jesus flowing through her … I still thank God for her influence on me to this day! Anyway I loved reading all the enthusiasm quotes too I will post some of those on my fridge for my husband to read too 🙂 Thank you for taking your time to do this I hope it helps many others who need it!

  2. admin
    Posted April 8, 2010 at 12:59 am | Permalink

    Glad you liked it Erin and that’s my hope too!

    Thanks for your encouragement.

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