Exactly The Same Only Different

Exactly The Same Only Different

Yes, Men and women are exactly the same only different. One of the BIG differences is gender, being male and female however, that’s an attractor factor for us. Well, for most of us anyway, enough said there.

And being human puts us in the same category of being the same. Even twin brothers or twin sisters are going to be a little different and their parents will treat them the same except for their special needs.

And it’s the same for married couples also. Each one of us is going to have our own special needs, wants and desires. So, that makes us exactly the same only different. Women have a need of feeling loved and men have a need of feeling respected.

Does that make us different? Yes and no. Loved to a woman and respected to a man both means some form of appreciation. It just comes in different words and slightly different actions is all.

We are exactly the same only different and it all boils down to our sense of value. And we may interpret it a bit differently because of our gender. However, a lot of our marital problems stems from our own bias assessment of values.

We’ll come back to that in a minute. For now though let’s look at what Webster has to say about love, respect, appreciation and value.

Love: is a deep and tender feeling of fondness and devotion; and to take great pleasure in.

Respect: is to feel or show honor for; think highly of; look up to; to be thoughtful about; have regard for;  a feeling of honor or polite regard for; concern; consideration for. (Is that so much different than love?)

Appreciation: to think well of; understand and enjoy; to recognize and be grateful for; to be fully aware of; to make or become more valuable. (Doesn’t appreciation sound  a whole lot like the love and respect we all want?)

Value: The quality of the thing that makes it wanted or desirable; a fair or proper exchange; to think highly of; thought of as precious, useful or worthy.

Aren’t we exactly the same only different? Don’t we all want to feel loved, respected, appreciated and valued? They’re common human desires just like being paid, laid and unafraid are. (Hey that rhymes!)  Cool, but being cool is not what this is about.

So, here lies a potential problem FEAR. Remember when I said “a lot of our marital problems stems from our own bias assessment of values”. And one of the descriptions for value is: a fair or proper exchange.

When one of us gets offended for whatever reason, we’re afraid we aren’t getting a fair or proper exchange. To say it exactly the same only different, we’re feeling cheated.

So, we slow down on the love, respect or appreciation. And then discontentment, bad attitudes and arguments are not uncommon. Before we know it our marriage resembles a snowball.

The relationship turns cold and starts heading downhill. And even the small issues can seem to roll into bigger ones during the descent. To avoid all the negativity we end up avoiding each other until one of us just walks out or we work out our differences.

They say time heals all things and maybe there’s some truth in that. When a person gets sick and doesn’t seek treatment and ends up dying, I suppose so does the sickness. However, isn’t that a bit self defeating when there was a cure all along?

I truly believe you are smarter than that when it comes to your health and marriage. Because isn’t that really what life is all about, enjoying health and happiness? Doesn’t your day go better when you’re feeling good and you have peace in your home?

Wouldn’t it be nice if kids came with instructions manuals? You know, with different chapters for the different ages and relationships we have and possibly our different personalities. Our in-laws could pass it on to us when we get married.

Yah that would be so handy! Most of our martial problems could be solved even before they happened with a book like that. However, that’s not reality. So, Dr Frank Gunzburg did the next best thing and wrote a book on how to save your marriage.

Saving Your Marriage is a step-by-step program designed to stop a divorce and save your marriage. It’s an excellent alternative to marriage counseling because it helps you learn what’s broken in your marriage and then shows you how to fix it.

And actually it’s not a bad book to read before troubles start in a marriage. It could help you avoid some of the major pitfalls that a lot of couples find themselves in. The problem is most folks don’t think that far ahead until the issues raise their ugly heads.

Which proves my point; most folks are exactly the same only different. We tend to think if it’s not broken don’t fix it. However, can you have too much love, respect, appreciation and value in your marriage?

Click the link below for a free 10 part marriage saving E-mail course.

Saving Your Marriage

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