Marriage is a Test of Character

Marriage is a Test of Character

Marriage is a test of character. Every marriage is filled with challenges to test your character. To see what you’re made of. By how you handle the situations you find yourself in.

Some things you can go around and some you can go over or under however, in marriage you just have to go through a lot of them. And how you accomplish those challenges will be a test of your character.

When you fell in love and got married you both made a commitment. For better or worse till death do you part. Funny thing is, the worse usually doesn’t show up until after the honeymoon.

By then you are committed already. So, now what? Did you rush into this relationship with your eyes closed? Or did you just change your mind? What else could it be?

It all still goes back to marriage is a test of character. A commitment is after all a commitment and morally you have to fulfill it.

Now, if your mate mistakes you for a punching bag, commitment or not, enough is enough don’t be a fool, just leave!

Other than that, marriage can be a test of your commitment and verbal skills which is part of your character. And not just for arguments in the marriage. In fact, the better your vocabulary and communications skills are means less arguments you’ll have to deal with.

Sometimes it’s not what you say it’s how you say it that causes problems. And I’ve been guilty myself of being insensitive by the words I’ve chosen and how others will take them.

For instance: What’s your problem or what’s wrong with you. Wouldn’t it be better to say, something like, what’s troubling you? It’s less likely to be taken the wrong way.

It’s less threatening and sounds more like I’m attacking the problem and not the person.

And tone of voice can lead to a conflict or an agreement. The whole purpose of communication is to be understood. And when we are perceived as having a bad attitude with our tone of voice, we are not well received.

One of our basic human needs is to be understood. It gives us a since of connection with the other person. But, during a heated debate it’s easy to loose the connection for lack of understanding and diplomacy.

According to Webster diplomacy is the skill in dealing with people so as to get their help and keep them friendly. It’s a character trait we all need more of. Another way to phrase it is finding a solution all parties can feel good about.

While I’m quoting Webster, let me show you what he has to say about character. A total of things that a person does, feels, and thinks by which he is judged as being good or bad, strong or weak, ect.

Proverbs says even a child is known by his ways or character. We are who we are because of what we know. When we don’t know we’re not stupid, we’re just ignorant until we do know. But how do you know any better until you learn better?

Now, once we know better and keep doing the same old thing it’s another story. Some of us including me are just slow learners. I’m sure not you though.

What makes up a person’s personality and character? I believe we are a product of our environment. Our thoughts, feelings and actions are acquired from our experiences.

The way we were raised will have an effect on our character. Our parents, teachers and friends can influence the way we view others and the world around us for the good or bad.

Then our self image or self-esteem is an issue in a character. Some of you are darn good looking and some of us not so much. Some of you are tall and slim and some of us are in shape since round is still a shape.

And yes all that can help make up our character but our looks or how we think we appear to others is not who we really are on the inside. Only a fool can fool themselves.

Perceptions can be deceiving. Beauty is only skin deep but ugly is to the bone. When we think more of ourselves than others do we have a problem.

Our since of responsibility is another factor of our character. We all mess up from time to time and some folks will try to blame others for their mistakes.

Some managers are that way. Then turn around and take credit for someone else’s accomplishment. What kind of rotten puke would do that? My guess is someone without self respect or respect for others. Not a very good character trait to have.

If you have a boss like that rest assured. He/she can fool some of the people some of the time but, can’t fool all the people all the time. And they will get what’s coming to them in due time.

We are all responsible for our own actions and the blame game only works for so long. And hardly ever works with a mate or a friend for any length of time.

Integrity is a big part of a character! It shows our priorities and lets others know if we are trust worthy or not. And in all relationships without trust we don’t have squat!

We have to say what we mean and mean what we say. If we say we’ll be there at noon we better be there at 11:59 or before to be sure to keep our word but 12:01 our integrity is in question.

Now, you don’t have to take my word for it. Just ask the employer the next time you show up late for a job interview. They’ll have doubts about you too.

Confidence is always a good aspect to a character as long as it’s not over done. Then we come of as cocky or a MR. know it all.

A good leader inspires others to have confidence in them; and a great leader inspires others to have confidence in themselves.

A person’s temperament speaks volumes about their character. People with a calm disposition who are not easily upset or offended are much easier to get along with.

And just the opposite is true with folks who are moody or looking for reasons to be angry or argumentative.

I knew of one guy like this and he had a heart attack and died. Someone at his job tried to take up donations for flowers for his funeral and couldn’t raise a dime. It’s sad for anyone to be remembered like that.

Is being a perfectionist an asset or a flaw in one’s character? I know if you don’t try to do things correctly you won’t even come close. On the other hand expecting everything to be purrfect can drive you and others around you crazy.

Yes, perfect was misspelled on purpose to knock a few perfectionists off their high horse of standards. Don’t get me wrong standards are great to have but…

Some times just good enough is well, good enough. You don’t have to throw out the whole china set just because there’s a nick on the edge of one saucer. Enough said.

We all have our own personal values and beliefs and when we go against them our conscience bothers us. So, most of us use our conscience as our guide.

And then there are others who tune out the inner voice. I remember the first time I didn’t pay attention to my inner voice. And I paid for it too!

I was in 6th grade; it was during phys ed. period. We were playing baseball. The teacher always got on our case for throwing the bat after we hit the ball. I was up to bat right after the teacher.

There was a fence behind the batter to stand behind. And normally I would in case someone would throw the bat. But, I was up right after the teacher and he wouldn’t throw the bat!

Well, the inner voice told me to get back behind the fence. And in my mind I said “No he won’t throw the bat”. And boy was I wrong! Hit me right in the shin with that bat. Ouch!

Thank you very much Mr. Lantz for opening up my inner ears. I could expand on this but; most don’t want to hear it. So, I’ll just say the voice comes from without but we only hear it within. If we’re listening for it.

Another thing that affects our character is our fears and vulnerabilities. We all have them. I love meeting people one on one. But, the very thought of public speaking makes me cringe.

I could get over it if I thought they actually wanted to hear what had to say. Until I’m convinced I’ll hide behind this blog. I feel safe here. And don’t feel bad if you walk out on me I won’t know it anyway.

We are all vulnerable in one way or another. I used to be shy myself. It’s a fear of rejected or not being accepted by your peers. But, now I can walk up to a complete stranger and fire up a conversation with them.

In order to get over a vulnerable area in our life we have to be more sensitive for others feelings and concerns and less about our own. And yes we will still get criticized and hurt at times. Possibly looked up to or down upon and maybe even loved.

We are social creatures and it all seems to come with the territory. Without risks there are no rewards. We can lessen the risks by having a positive attitude and before the judgmental comments come out of our mouth, look in a mirror.

Another attribute we could add to our character is courage. Most of us won’t even have an opportunity to risk our life for someone else. That’s great if you do and can meet the challenge and be a hero. My hat is off to you and I’d like to hear about it when you do.

However, it takes courage to do the right thing at the right time. People mess up, we all do! And when you mess up have the courage to admit it. Forget the blame game it doesn’t work anyway.

People are more apt to forgive you if you’ll admit an offense than if they have to back track and hunt you down like a dog.

Have enough courage to do what is moral and ethically right and you can’t go too far wrong.

Another arrow we could add to our quiver of character traits is generosity. And yes money is always a welcome thing to give away.

But, so is time for some folks. And others a compliment would do nicely. Even a word of encouragement to someone struggling with an issue would work. There are thousands of ways to show your generosity even if you don’t have a dime.

It’s all about seed time and harvest. You can still plant some kind of seed to benefit someone else. And rest assured you will reap some kind of harvest because of your generosity.

Now compassion, who needs it? Everybody does! What is compassion anyway?

It’s putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and doing for them what you would like done for you if you were actually in their place.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do for their situation but show them whose side you are on. It’s a whole lot like generosity with a touch of genuine sympathy.

Before we end this let’s not forget one of my favorites. A since of humor is an asset to any arsenal of character traits. And I don’t mean it as a bullet to hurt someone’s feelings with, just for a laugh.

You can find humor in the smallest of things if you’re looking. Like the drawbridge attendant did. When, he saw the ant floating down the river on his back with a hard on yelling raise the bridge.

I’m sure there’s more than these character traits and if you can think of one leave me a comment. And if you have a site and you’ll follow the comment policy I’ll give you a back link with the keywords of you choice with a “Do Follow” tag for free.

3 Comments

  1. Alex
    Posted August 12, 2011 at 7:57 am | Permalink

    Cool post man,

    The sad thing is I dont think alot of people really develop character until the marriage gets tough.

    However, ive never been married…But I can imagine

  2. admin
    Posted August 13, 2011 at 6:17 am | Permalink

    Chris: Thanks Alex,

    I’m so glad you can imagine because an imagination will come in handy when you do get married.

    And you’re partly right with your comment because your character can change over time according to your beliefs and circumstances.

    I say that because when your beliefs change your character will change too.

    They are both hard to change though, but what’s even harder to change is your reputation before the change.

  3. Posted July 7, 2013 at 10:28 am | Permalink

    Greetings! Very helpful advice within this article!
    It’s the little changes that will make the greatest changes. Thanks a lot for sharing!

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