Words of Encouragement for Women Who Feel Unloved by Their Husbands

Words of Encouragement for Women

Who Feel Unloved

By Their Husbands

I would like to say thank you to the gal who typed in, “words of encouragement for women who feel unloved by her husband”, to find this site. Even though I’ve touched on this subject before, you’ve inspired me to approach it from a different angle.

It’s not uncommon for women to feel unloved by their husbands. Even though it’s sad, it’s not uncommon at all. We all get busy with our lives doing the best we know how but, sometimes our best doesn’t seem to be good enough.

Let’s face it, we all have to work with the knowledge we have. No fault to her though, because they don’t teach this stuff in school. And chances are she or her husband was a product of a broken marriage. And as hard as we may try not to be like our parents, we have to admit they are a major influence in our lives.

May God bless her though; she was looking for an answer! I’m just sorry I wasn’t there for her when she needed it. Do I have all the answers? No, at least not without all the details of her situation, all I have at this point is my perspective of her vague cry for help.

So, if you have a few minutes I’ll share my thoughts on her situation with you.

She’s looking for some encouragement and we all could use some of that when we feel down. What could possibly make a person feel more down than thinking their mate doesn’t love them anymore? Losing a job or wrecking a car may seem terrible at the time but, when we have a mate who loves us. We can make it through without getting too down about it.

There are only three main things that make people tick and feelings are at the top of the list. How we feel will affect our attitude and in turn it affects the way we interact with others. We all want to feel special, appreciated, loved and respected. It makes us feel good about ourselves when we’re treated like that.

Yet, we don’t always treat others in a manor to make them feel good about their self. Quite often in a marriage the couple falls into their own little routine and unintentionally starts taking each other for granted. So, instead of making our mate feel special we make them feel replaceable. Instead of feeling appreciated they feel used. And when they feel like that, they’re not feeling loved or respected.

People normally act according to their feelings. So, if we don’t feel loved we usually don’t express it to others either. The problem with all our feelings is every one of them has a negative side. The good news is feelings can be changed and sometimes rather quickly too.

As an example; the wife goes out and changes her hair style maybe different color and length. She may be unsure if she even likes it. When she comes home and her husband raves how cute she looks. She starts feeling proud of her choice, her confidence goes up and she’s feeling sexy.

On the other hand if he belittles her about her hair. Her confidence goes down she may feel ashamed and ugly. It just goes to prove how much power a mate can have over their spouse with their words.

The point is; we all need to feel approval to feel good about ourselves. When we feel good about our self our confidence level is up. And we’re more apt to be out flowing and have more of a positive interaction with others. In other words, loving toward the ones who show us approval.

The flip side to that is; we tend to avoid others who don’t or won’t show us approval. Because, they bring our confidence level down, which makes us feel bad about our self. When we feel bad about our self we tend to be less than loving toward others.

We could compare it to the difference of being slapped in the face and a pat on the back. The former hurts our feelings with disapproval and the pat on the back makes us feel better with a gesture of approval.

Now, to change an unloving marriage back into a loving one isn’t all that hard. It just takes consideration and consistency. That is, consideration of our mate’s feelings, before we act or speak. And do it consistently because, if we don’t, they feel unloved and then we do too.

For a woman who’s feeling unloved by their husband, she could change the situation by making him feel special. And one way to do that is, if she is on the phone when he comes home. Say “I have to go, my husband just got home” and hang up. It shows him respect and that he’s more important to her than the other person.

I know one lady who will pick up the phone when she hears her husband pull in the drive and right when he  opens the door, just to let him hear her say those words.

Warning: For women who have had an affair or if for some reason he doesn’t trust her, it may backfire! And make him think you were talking to your boyfriend.

Another way to make him feel special is by using common courtesy. When asking for something, don’t make it sound like a command. An example of this is; “pass the salt”. Better yet, “when you get a second could you pass the salt please”.  Can you see the difference?

The first one sounds demanding like he has NO options. And all hell is going to break loose on him if he doesn’t follow the order now. The second one sounds more like a gracious request from his lady that lets him take his time to fulfill. (Voice can affect how your words are received also.)

And try to never miss an opportunity to show him appreciation. With something as simple as passing the salt, a simple “thank you” is sufficient. On bigger things it may require a different kind of compensation. The point is; you never want him to feel used or taken for granted or he’ll treat you the same way.

The bottom line is; you want to feel special, appreciated, loved and respected and so does your husband. The reason you got married in the first place was for those feelings. And chances are if those feelings are missing from your marriage there was a game changing event that took place.

Maybe there was disagreement that lead to an argument and it got out of hand. Quite often in the heat of a battle with someone we care about things are said that can cut us to shreds. The wounds will heal over time but, leaving scars as a reminder of what that person is capable of doing to us.

The one delivering the pain may feel the satisfaction of victory at the time, not even realizing the damage being done to the relationship. Then the one receiving the soul penetrating verbal stabs from the one they once trusted feels a need to distance them self. And it changes the whole matrix of the relationship.

Where a lot of marriages start to fail, you can usually find pride and unforgiveness. The offender is either too proud to humble them self and say I was wrong or they just stopped caring. And the offended now feels too vulnerable because, they felt attacked and lost the trust in their mate. So, they build an invisible wall of separation with unforgiveness.

The longer the wall is allowed to stay up the more frustrating it is for the couple. So, instead of peace love and romance in the home it’s more like playing the blame game with nitpicking fault finding arguments. And it’s obvious that only makes the wall bigger.

I’m sorry to have to tell you this but, since you’re a grown woman now, you have some questions to answer. And no one can do it for you. If you keep going down the same path in you marriage can you see it getting better or worse? If you don’t do something about the road you’re on who will?

Is your husband trying to make things better between you and him or is he still building on his wall? Well, without even talking to you, if you’re reading this I have a pretty good guess. You know, in marriage there has to be vulnerability and trust. And if either one of them are abused or missed used there are going to be negative repercussions from it.

The next question is; is your marriage worth saving to you? Now, don’t get me wrong here! I’m not accusing you of being the cause of your problems. After all your husband isn’t perfect either. The point I’m trying to make is; without throwing blame on anyone. Is your pride more important than your marriage?

That may be a tough question to answer. But, only you can answer it. If you’ve felt unloved for a while then chances are you have felt offended a few times too. It still doesn’t change the fact you have a decision to make. Because if you don’t decide he may make a decision for you that you won’t like.

You’re not only competing with the idea of other women at this point, there are lawyers begging for another divorce case. It’s easy money to them. Now, you can hold on to your pride and lose you husband to one of those leaches if you want to. But, don’t say I didn’t warn you about the predators out there.

Can I share a secret or two with you about men? Most generally they are fairly reasonable creatures until they get offended. And there is a very good possibility the original problem was started by him too. I don’t have any idea how big it’s gotten so far but, it can’t be good if you’re feeling unloved!

The second secret is men have egos that inflate several times bigger than their penis. I know it would be better if it was the other way around but, that’s life. In an argument if you hit a man below the belt with your words you’ve messed with his ego.

You’ve pretty much emasculated him at that point. He’s miserable! It’s like he’s going around in circles looking for his penis! He feels he has to distance him self for his own protection from anyone who could do that to him. His wall goes up instantly like a force field. His selective hearing kicks in causing his wife more frustration.

And until if she will, make him feel like a man again, the relationship is all but over. And if some other gal comes along and makes him feel like a man again, before his wife does. Oh good grief, the problems really escalate.

And that brings us back to the question. Is your pride more important than your marriage? You’re the closes thing to an expert in your relationship and only you know your own heart. So, I won’t tell you what to do. But, if you want to save your marriage and you’re open to a suggestion.

I would recommend you do your best to level the playing field. In other words swallow your pride humble yourself by taking the blame for the problems in your relationship. And YES, I know just like you and your husband does, you don’t deserve all the blame for your marriage problems.

However, if you can bring yourself to take my suggestion you’ll deserve all the credit for the recovery of your marriage. And let me explain why this usually works. You have to think like a guy first of all. We are some pretty sick puppies at times. So, brace yourself.

An argument to a guy is like a pissing contest. If you emasculate him he may not be able to piss farther than you now but, he’ll do his best to piss you off longer. At that stage of the game he doesn’t care if you leave him. You’ve deflated his ego anyway.

But, if you humble yourself and take the blame it’s like you just grew him a new pair of gonads. Now, don’t blame me if he want’s to use them on you. And don’t be disappointed if he don’t, there could still be a trust issue you need to work on.

Once you’ve done all you can do on your own this could help to kick up the romance a few notches. Check out “Text The Romance Back“. Did you know with just a few simple text messages, and using strategically chosen words, you can fire up his hard drive (pun intended) and have your husband in desperate anticipation to get back home to you?

When you have a few minutes watch Michael Fiore’s video, he can show you an easy way to turn your cell phone or computer key board into a romantic remote control. And fire up the desire to ignite the passion again. So your husband will give you all the love and encouragement you’re craving for right now.

One Comment

  1. Posted January 23, 2013 at 8:13 am | Permalink

    Hi, I do think this is a great blog. I stumbledupon it 😉 I’m going to revisit yet again since I saved as a favorite it. Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you be rich and continue to help other people.

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