Reasons Why Long Distance
I can think of several reasons why long distance relationships fail. There’s no particular order and we may not get to them all here but, we have to start somewhere. So, negativity is as good as any place to start. This world is so full of doubt and unbelief it’s hard to escape from.
After living with all the lies we’ve been told from others we start to believe them ourselves. I’m sure you know what I mean. Like; the best things in life are free. Now, there is enough truth to that to make it sound believable. We all need air and air is free unless you need it in your flat tire.
In that case you have to hand pump it in there or have a compressor that uses electricity. Neither one of them is free. It costs either time and labor or money and time. Granted it may not be much but, it’s not free. And any relationship that doesn’t cost you time isn’t worth having.
Your friends may tell you they’ve had long distance relationships and they never worked out. Well, there’s no reason to doubt that. They just didn’t work for them. The big difference is; you and your partner are NOT them.
If you go into any opportunity thinking it will never work out, chances are you’ll be right. However, when you try something new with a determined attitude bent on success you’ve increased your odds greatly.
Negativity is a constant battle in any kind of relationship. It doesn’t matter where it comes from externally or internally, it can wreak havoc if it’s not dealt with properly.
Communication is important in any relationship, even more in a romantic one. I have relationships all over the place and if we talk once every month or whenever we’re good to go. But, all of them are my friends and relatives. And there’s no romance to it.
We just pick up where we left off the last time or catch up on what’s new. There’s no jealously factor involved like a romantic relationship. So, our conversations never get into personal areas where they don’t belong.
We don’t tell each other what to do although; we may give suggestions on how we would handle a situation if it were us. Any disagreements we agree to disagree and change the subject before it turns into an argument.
The goal in any relationship is to find the similarities and try to avoid the differences as much as possible. Because, no two people are going to think exactly the same on everything.
If you just think about it opposites attract in romantic relationships. That fact alone should tell you that you won’t always think the same way as they do. If one of you can’t persuade the other to thinking like they do on a subject and it’s so big of an issue. It could be a deal breaker.
Being flexible is always good when you can be. There are some areas where right will always be right and wrong will always be wrong. And those are the deal breakers. Other than that opinions are just that; opinions. And everybody is entitled to their own.
If you want to influence them into your way of seeing things an argument is not the right tool for the job. That’s like a surgeon using a chain saw for a scalpel. And sure it’ll cut it but, the results never ends up as good as it could have.
In a long distance relationship try to keep the arguments to a minimum. When they’re getting out of hand hang up. Cool off, chill out a bit. If they call you right back and start it up again hang up. And don’t answer until you’re calmed down.
You know they’re still interested in you or they wouldn’t have called you back. So, don’t sweat it until you’re calm. Then ten minutes or two days later when you call or they call; just say you don’t want to argue.
Here’s where you have to give some ground to gain some ground. Admit you were a jerk to hang up on them but, you could see it was only going to hurt your relationship if the argument continued.
Well, couples that are living together have to walk away when it gets out of hand too. The point is you don’t want to say something you’ll regret later. You can’t take hurtful words back! It’s like pulling your knife out of someone you just stabbed and putting it back in your pocket. Their pain still hurts until it heals but, there will always be a scar.
If you can, tell them they were right on whatever you can. Then try to explain your point of view to them calmly. If it turns into a fight all over again and you can’t come to some kind of compromise, than you’ve come to an impasse. You either have to drop it and move on or break up if it’s that important to you.
Our human nature draws us toward other like minded people. When we can find agreement and the commonalities with another person, they’ll feel more comfortable and closer to us, even if they’re thousands of miles away. We can create the desire for them to want to spend time with us.
That makes the opposite also true. When we highlight our differences and chose not to be in agreement with them, we drive them farther away, even if they’re in the same room.
To sum this up, the method you use to communicate is not the important factor here. It is how you communicate that will determine whether you give them the desire to be with you or escape from you.
Trust is another factor in any marriage whether its long distance or not. Without it there’s not much of a relationship. And sometimes well-meaning friends can throw a few doubts in there for you to wrestle with.
If you get a call from a friend and they say they saw your mate out with someone of the opposite sex. Don’t let your imagination go wild. There’s probably a very good reason and it doesn’t mean they were cheating on you either.
When you allow doubts, worries and fears in, you’re throwing trust out the window. And picking up suspicion, without having all the facts. If you dwell on that for too long your attitude will turn negative.
You’ll have them tried, judged and sentenced before you find out they were with their cousin. Or some other innocent situation. Things aren’t always the way they may appear. And that’s why trust is so important, especially in a long distance relationship.
Nobody likes to be accused on just pure hearsay rumors based on less than half the facts to back them up. For all you know at that point, your partner may have been at home sick in bed all day. And your friend just saw someone that looked like them.
Jealousy is a thief that can sneak in and steal your piece of mind and cause you to do stupid things. But, with a little finesse in the way you phrase your questions, you can find out all you want to know without being an accuser.
Because, when they’re innocent and you start accusing them they’ll begin to have doubts about the relationship. So, unless you plan on going fishing I suggest you don’t open that can of worms.
There are all kinds of reasons why people are in long distance relationships. For some it’s because of work, school, military deployment or taking care of a friend or relative. The list could go on. Just like the list of reasons why they fail.
So, if you’re reading this you’re more than likely in a long distance relationship looking for ways to make it better. And you’re probably struggling with the common issues that come with a long distant relationship too. Like the out-of-control emotions that cause insecurity, fear, jealousy, and other psychological challenges.
And here’s the really sad part, for some people they know their relationship is the best thing that ever happened to them. And the distance is just a temporary set back. But, they don’t have the knowledge to overcome their emotions enough to keep them from destroying their relationship. Only to wind up with regrets and wondering what it could have been if they would have controlled their emotions better.
Feelings emotions, and desires make up the essence of our human nature. And when they are all working together we can accomplish any goal we desire with passion and enthusiasm. However, if we let something as simple as doubt change the coarse of our feelings and emotions they take the passion and enthusiasm away from our desire. So the real goal will never be reached.
To put it another way it’s our feelings and emotions that gives our desires the energy it needs to move toward our goal.
Look at it like this, your desires is the sail boat taking you to your destination of living under the same roof with your partner. Your feeling is the rudder steering you there and your emotions is the sail to either give you momentum or leave you dead in the water.
Now, you may feel like you’re lost a sea in uncharted waters. But, the fact is those waters have already been charted and mapped out to get you to your destination. And Bob Grant would like to give you his tried and proven guide to get you where you want to be. He’ll show you how to get control of your feelings and emotions to set your sail for optimum momentum.
Bob has been a relationship counselor for more than 20 years and went through a long distant relationship with his girlfriend (now wife). So, he’s faced the same storms you’re going through right now and made it just fine. And he doesn’t mind sharing the details with you how he did it in his book called Long Distance Love.
Until Next Time
Look inward and find the good than
Look outward and share it with others.