Reasons Why Long Distance
I can think of several reasons why long distance relationships fail. There’s no particular order and we may not get to them all here but, we have to start somewhere. So, negativity is as good as any place to start. This world is so full of doubt and unbelief it’s hard to escape from.
After living with all the lies we’ve been told from others we start to believe them ourselves. I’m sure you know what I mean. Like; the best things in life are free. Now, there is enough truth to that to make it sound believable. We all need air and air is free unless you need it in your flat tire.
In that case you have to hand pump it in there or have a compressor that uses electricity. Neither one of them is free. It costs either time and labor or money and time. Granted it may not be much but, it’s not free. And any relationship that doesn’t cost you time isn’t worth having.
Your friends may tell you they’ve had long distance relationships and they never worked out. Well, there’s no reason to doubt that. They just didn’t work for them. The big difference is; you and your partner are NOT them.
If you go into any opportunity thinking it will never work out, chances are you’ll be right. However, when you try something new with a determined attitude bent on success you’ve increased your odds greatly.
Negativity is a constant battle in any kind of relationship. It doesn’t matter where it comes from externally or internally, it can wreak havoc if it’s not dealt with properly.
Communication is important in any relationship, even more in a romantic one. I have relationships all over the place and if we talk once every month or whenever we’re good to go. But, all of them are my friends and relatives. And there’s no romance to it.
We just pick up where we left off the last time or catch up on what’s new. There’s no jealously factor involved like a romantic relationship. So, our conversations never get into personal areas where they don’t belong.
We don’t tell each other what to do although; we may give suggestions on how we would handle a situation if it were us. Any disagreements we agree to disagree and change the subject before it turns into an argument.
The goal in any relationship is to find the similarities and try to avoid the differences as much as possible. Because, no two people are going to think exactly the same on everything.
If you just think about it opposites attract in romantic relationships. That fact alone should tell you that you won’t always think the same way as they do. If one of you can’t persuade the other to thinking like they do on a subject and it’s so big of an issue. It could be a deal breaker.
Being flexible is always good when you can be. There are some areas where right will always be right and wrong will always be wrong. And those are the deal breakers. Other than that opinions are just that; opinions. And everybody is entitled to their own.
If you want to influence them into your way of seeing things an argument is not the right tool for the job. That’s like a surgeon using a chain saw for a scalpel. And sure it’ll cut it but, the results never ends up as good as it could have.
In a long distance relationship try to keep the arguments to a minimum. When they’re getting out of hand hang up. Cool off, chill out a bit. If they call you right back and start it up again hang up. And don’t answer until your calmed down.
You know they’re still interested in you or they wouldn’t have called you back. So, don’t sweat it until you’re calm. Then ten minutes or two days later when you call or they call; just say you don’t want to argue.
Here’s where you have to give some ground to gain some ground. Admit you were a jerk to hang up on them but, you could see it was only going to hurt your relationship if the argument continued.
Well, couples that are living together have to walk away when it gets out of hand too. The point is you don’t want to say something you’ll regret later. You can’t take hurtful words back! It’s like pulling your knife out of someone you just stabbed and putting it back in your pocket. Their pain still hurts until it heals but, there will always be a scar.
If you can, tell them they were right on whatever you can. Then try to explain your point of view to them calmly. If it turns into a fight all over again and you can’t come to some kind of compromise, than you’ve come to an impasse. You either have to drop it and move on or break up if it’s that important to you.
Our human nature draws us toward other likeminded people. When we can find agreement and the commonalities with another person, they’ll feel more comfortable and closer to us, even if they’re thousands of miles away. We can create the desire for them to want to spend time with us.
That makes the opposite also true. When we highlight our differences and chose not to be in agreement with them, we drive them farther away, even if they’re in the same room.
To sum this up, the method you use to communicate is not the important factor here. It is how you communicate that will determine whether you give them the desire to be with you or escape from you.
Trust is another factor in any marriage whether its long distance or not. Without it there’s not much of a relationship. And sometimes well-meaning friends can throw a few doubts in there for you to wrestle with.
If you get a call from a friend and they say they saw your mate out with someone of the opposite sex. Don’t let your imagination go wild. There’s probably a very good reason and it doesn’t mean they were cheating on you either.
When you allow doubts, worries and fears in, you’re throwing trust out the window. And picking up suspicion, without having all the facts. If you dwell on that for too long your attitude will turn negative.
You’ll have them tried, judged and sentenced before you find out they were with their cousin. Or some other innocent situation. Things aren’t always the way they may appear. And that’s why trust is so important, especially in a long distance relationship.
Nobody likes to be accused on just pure hearsay rumors based on less than half the facts to back them up. For all you know at that point, your partner may have been at home sick in bed all day. And your friend just saw someone that looked like them.
Jealousy is a thief that can sneak in and steal your piece of mind and cause you to do stupid things. But, with a little finesse in the way you phrase your questions, you can find out all you want to know without being an accuser.
Because, when they’re innocent and you start accusing them they’ll begin to have doubts about the relationship. So, unless you plan on going fishing I suggest you don’t open that can of worms.
There are all kinds of reasons why people are in long distance relationships. For some it’s because of work, school, military deployment or taking care of a friend or relative. The list could go on. Just like the list of reasons why they fail.
So, if you’re reading this it means you must be bored out of your mind and don’t have anything better to do. Or you’re in a long distance relationship looking for ways to make it better. Or both or neither, I guess that list could go on too.
However, if you’re interested in learning more about making a long distance relationship work for you, than I’ve got some good news. I just came across a guy named Adam Rabin and he and his girlfriend made it work for them. They are married and living together now but, their courtship was from opposite sides of the country.
Anyway, if you’d like to hear his story he has about a 22 minute video and it’s free to watch. But, I will warn you at the end of it he’ll try to sell you his course. It’s a 5 module with videos and PDF’s. And has 3 bonuses.
I’ve reviewed it and to be honest with you, he has some good information for making a long distance relationship work. But, I couldn’t stand to watch his videos because his editing sucks. It is in English but, it was like watching a foreign movie with dubbed in English.
His voice was about a half second off from his lips. So, I played FreeCell and just listened to it. Or you could just read his PDF’s instead.
I think one of the better parts was his relationship repair kit. And his interview with Michael Fiore was pretty good except for a few times they were interrupting each other. I almost forgot the 10 myths about long distance relationships wasn’t bad.
Actually the only real bad thing about it is the editing of the videos. But, if I was going to rate it on a scale from 1 to 10 I’d give it a 6 maybe a 7 for content. I had to take some off for the editing. Just my opinion but, PowerPoint slides would have been better. When you get it you’ll see what I mean. If you’re interested it’s called “Destroy the Distance.”
Until Next Time
Look inward and find the good than
Look outward and share it with others.