The ABC’s of Relationships for Women

The ABC’s of Relationships

for Women


Relationships can be as difficult as learning to read unless you understand the ABC’s of them. First of all you have to know what they are supposed to look like to even recognize them. Then you have to know what they’re supposed to sound like to be able to verbalize them.


Next there are all kinds of rules to remember. Like, “i before e except after c.” To, too and two sound exactly the same but, have three different meanings. The same letter “o” in the word two changes how it sounds when you put the letter “w” on the other side of it in the word tow. The letter “k” can sound like a “c” or a “q” and is silent in the word “know.”


Now, as helpful as those little tidbits on the English language are, I doubt you could write a letter to your Aunt Martha to get her to loan you enough money to buy a pair of socks, with only that much information.


Yet, people are going into relationships with less understanding about what they’re supposed to look like and sound like than they do their ABC’s. So, they’ll jump into one head first based solely on their feeling and emotions of the moment. The problem with that is, feelings and emotions can change over time and sometimes instantly.


Then, when you add a partner in the mix you have two sets of them to deal with. As much joy and pleasure a relationship can bring into your life it’s a reasonable desire to have now. But, knowing the ABC’s of relationships beforehand can help you decrease the risk of remorse and heartache later.


So, without any farther ado let me share my version with you. “A” is for Attitude. Unless you’re just looking for a romp in the hay so to speak, the goal of a dating relationship is a commitment to marriage. And since your marriage starts with you, your attitude can end it faster than it started if you don’t keep it in check.


Think of your mate as a funhouse mirror. You know the one that made your breasts look like Dolly Parton’s without having all the operations. Well, that’s pretty much how he’ll reflect your attitude back at you. So, keep it in check or you’ll know what to expect.


“B” is for Being real, be you and be authentic. There is no point on putting on some kind of persona to get him to love you. He either will or he won’t. That’s just the way it goes sometimes. But, putting on some kind of act is just way too much work for you.


There are plenty of guys out there who would love you just the way you are right now imperfections and all. He’s got his share of them too. If the barn needs painted slap on a coat but, there’s no need to rebuild the barn just for him.


“C” is for Confidence. This is a must have! Now, don’t overdo it and get all cocky and egotistical on me though. Your solid waste still stinks like everybody else’s. But, you are no worse than anybody else. None of us are better or worse than the other. We all have different talents and knowledge but, nobody has it all or knows it all.


We all look a bit different and that just makes us unique. We all think a bit different and act a bit different. Some have more assets than others but, we all have our own set of flaws, quirks, insecurities, fears and we all make mistakes.


Low self-confidence comes from a fear that we won’t measure up to others or their expectations of us. And it’s usually thrown on us by some outside source. We weren’t born with it. Sometimes it’s self-inflicted by making the mistake of comparing ourselves to others.


It’s nice to have others encourage us and help build our self-confidence but, we can’t always depend on it. Why do you think it’s called self-confidence? Because, it’s up to us to build it ourselves! It’s left up to us to either stand or fall on our own.


We have to stop comparing and judging ourselves to others. Sure use them as a role model if you want to but, not a measuring stick. And stop letting others tear you down they’re not perfect either. Judge yourself by yourself, if you know you are doing the best you can do, that’s all anybody can ask for.


I apologize, after rereading that it sounded more like a rant. I left it in here anyway because; it aggravates me to see others not believing in their self. All from being put down by someone they looked up to.


“D” is for the 3-D’s. Don’t Do Drama. Yes, a guy is always thrilled by a triple D cup size but, regardless if you have that to offer him or not, you’ll make his life easier and more enjoyable without all the drama.


Now, if the house is on fire that’s one thing but, to set it on fire yourself is totally uncalled for. Save the drama for your girlfriends they’ll enjoy it more than your guy ever will.


“E” is for Easy. Go easy on the expectations there Cinderella. Do you remember the ending of the story? And they lived happily ever after. What kind of ending is that? Did she have any kids? Do the glass slippers still fit? Did the court jester hit on her? Did she gain thirty pounds?


So, I guess it was really left unfinished wasn’t it? Just like your relationship is. That means you have to choose your words wisely if you want to finish your story. And drop the expectations before you take the eas out of easy and only leave him questioning Y?


“F” is for Feminine. We all have different aspects to our character. For a woman wanting to attract and keep a man faithful to her, it takes the feminine side to accomplish that goal.


She could be a championship boxer, a CEO of a major corporation or a marine drill Sargent but, unless she shows a man her feminine soft and gentle side she’ll have a hard time attracting and keeping one.


Most men have enough competitions with other men during the day. And they don’t want to come home to a wife or girlfriend to a pissing contest to prove who’s manlier.


“G” is for Gratitude. This one is so simple yet overlooked so often by people. One of the desires in everyone’s human nature is to feel appreciated. They have done studies proving people will work more, harder and longer for less money when they feel appreciated.


And really, how hard is it to say thank you? One of the jollies a man gets out of life is to feel like he’s pleased his woman. But, when he does his best and all he hears is complaints. He’s going to stop trying altogether.


Listen, I’m serious here! I’m not just throwing this in to take up space to make the article look longer. Good grief, by the time I get done it’ll practically be a novel without this.


The point is gratitude works on everybody, especially men. And when you use it consistently on a male, they’re easier to train than puppy dogs! Now, granted the bigger the request the bigger the compensation will be expected.


“H” is for Him. Hey, I have to stick up for my brothers here. Cut me some slack, why don’t ya. After the last part about puppy dogs I have to try to make it up to them so they won’t kick me out of the club. So, bear with me here a minute.


After all without Him there is only you. No us or we to it, just little ole lonely you all by yourself. The very thought of it could bring a tear to your eye or a smile to your face, if he’s been hogging the covers again.


I’ll assume it’s the former and not the latter and move on here. The point is, he’s not one of your girlfriends, he didn’t sign up for that job. He does have feelings and emotions but, for the most part they won’t be the same as yours. He doesn’t think, act, talk or feel like a woman and if he did you wouldn’t like him anymore. So, don’t try to change him. Just let him be a man, he doesn’t want to be emasculated.


“I” is for Intimacy. If you haven’t met his family and friends, seen his paychecks, bank accounts and portfolio if he has one and know his views on life and you’ve been sleeping with him. Then you have got the cart before the horse sister.


And that makes for a very short trip because, that horse ain’t goanna push that cart. Now, you may say I don’t know him well enough to get into his personal business. That’s funny, he thinks he knows you well enough to get into yours.


What could possibly be more personal than getting naked with a stranger and opening yourself up to sexual transmitted diseases? This really wasn’t the point I was going for but, I thought I would throw it in there for free anyway to give you something to think about.


Sorry about the rant. What I intended to say about intimacy was it shouldn’t be taken lightly. Guys aren’t known for opening up and spilling their guts to just anybody. We tend to keep them bottled up inside for safe keeping. And every man has his own set of secrets.


They could be just thoughts, dreams or goals, feelings or emotions or past regrets. Who knows what’s in a guy’s head other than him? Except maybe, his wife or girlfriend if he opened up to her.


Now, here’s my point if your guy shares something with you and says something like I’ve never told this to anyone before. Girl, you better not share it with anyone else! You will ruin his trust and confidence in you when he finds it got out. And he will close up tighter than a clam and become colder than a mother-in-laws kiss to you.


“J” is for Jealousy. Do you know anybody that gets up from the table after eating a big Thanksgiving meal, puts the leftovers in the fridge and heads out the door to the nearest fast food restaurant to get something to eat? Of course not! Why would they?


If they had all the food they wanted, they’re not looking for anymore. However, if there was nothing to satisfy their appetite at home they may just head out to find something that would. Are you seeing a picture here or do you want me to spell it out more for ya?


When you give a man what he wants regularly he may look at other women but, he’ll be faithful to you. So, you’ll have no need to be jealous of any other woman. Quite often a man will cheat on his wife with another woman who is less attractive than his own wife.


“K” is for Keys. I sort of left you hanging with the jealousy thing so, let me share the main keys to a man’s heart. They used to say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And being a good cook never hurts but, that alone won’t keep him faithful.


Hookers have had this figured out for centuries. But, a hooker can’t pick the lock to a man’s heart if his wife holds the keys to it at home. The four main keys to a man’s heart are appreciation, admiration, respect and last but defiantly not least sex. And they are the main tricks to the hooker’s trade.


“L” is for Love. Why do the hooker’s tricks work so well on guys? Probably because some guys mistake sex for love. But, that hooker is in love with his money not him at all. How can you love someone and give them some dreaded disease?


A wife can slut proof her man by using her keys and showing him what real love is all about. Since love is kind not critical or condemning and love is not a whiner, complainer or nagger it’s appreciative so, men will eat that up all day every day. And be too satisfied to go looking for love in the wrong places.


“M” is for Mind Games. Women are famous for playing mind games. But, men for the most part don’t want to play. Save them for your girlfriends not your man. If you want something just come right out and say it.


Hinting about it and expecting a guy to pick up on it is a waste of time. Guys are not sensitive to hints so, don’t expect him to get it. And get all upset. When he asks what’s wrong. TELL HIM! Don’t say well, if you don’t know by now I’m not going to tell you.


Give him a break. If you’re going down the interstate and he’s driving and you have to pee. You better tell him you need a bathroom. If you say I’d like to stop there he’ll say maybe on the way back as he zooms past the exit. And you’ll pee your pants.


If you haven’t got that figured out by now, consider this a warning a head of time. Say what you mean and mean what you say and he’ll pay attention to you. Otherwise, be prepared for a life of frustrations.


“N” is for Need. Everybody likes to feel needed, even your guy. But, only up to a point and once you cross the line then you come off as too needy. If you need him to open a jar for you because you’re not strong enough yourself, he’s your man.


However, if Monday nights is your night to watch chick flicks. And he likes to watch Monday night football with his buddies. Do you really need him to hold the box of tissues for you and make him miss his game? No, that’s just too needy!


“O” is for Opinions. You know what they say about opinions. They’re like A** holes everybody’s got one. Opinions come from what we’ve been taught, heard, read or from our own experiences. But, that doesn’t mean they are all right.


For instance: Someone may have the sincere opinion and tell you money can’t buy happiness because, they’ve always heard it and proved it to be true by trying it themselves. But, they are sincerely wrong; they just spent it the wrong way is all.


If you spent your money for an operation on a little girl to save her life when her parents couldn’t afford to. And to see the smiles on her parents faces and the little girl enjoying life again. If that wouldn’t light your fire than your wood is wet. The point is we have to be a bit flexible with our opinions because, we’ve all been wrong before.


“P” is for Passion. Actions speak louder than words. And no matter if it’s in your relationships, job, hobby or whatever you do when you do it with passion you’re going to give it your best. You’ll have the enthusiasm others find hard to resist.


In fact it can be contagious and others will want to be around you because of it. When was the last time you felt passionate about anything and why did you feel that way? Was it because you had a desired goal that you felt it was so believable you could visualize yourself reaching the reward at the end even before you started? Now, you know where passion comes from. Keep setting new goals with rewards at the end.


“Q” is for Quiet. Do you hear the crickets chirping or are you too busy talking? This one is a hard one for some women. Believe it or not, men can enjoy your company without talking or listening to you talk. In fact sometimes they would enjoy it more.


It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you or love you or that he’s shy. Men just don’t need to talk as much as women do, is all. Guys just like time to think. And if you ask a guy what are we thinking about and he says I don’t know. He’s probably not lying to you. I warned you back at “H” guys don’t think like women do.


“R” is for Respect. It’s just in our human nature to want respect from people. A relationship can’t be a very good one without it. And ungratefulness is one of the fast growing seeds for disrespect. And when you start throwing some fertilizer like criticism and insults on it, you can grow a monster that can destroy any relationship in a short time.


People are like diamonds though. They all have different facets to their character and sure some of them aren’t as good as others. But, I’ve learned when we appreciate the good facets and ignore or at least not criticize the not so good even the not so good can change over time. It’s always easier to change our own perspective of people than trying to change them through criticism.


“S” is for Smile. Something as simple as a smile can brighten a person’s day. It’s actually amazing how easy it works too. I’m usually a pretty content person for the most part in fact even happy for that matter.


The other day at the grocery store people just looked so down in the dumps for some reason. So, I started smiling and looking people in the eyes. And at least ninety percent couldn’t help but smile back. I thought one lady was going to start laughing. It’s contagious, try it sometime even you’ll feel better because you did. Get out there and go make somebody’s day! WARNING! It could be habit forming but, it’s not dangerous.


“T” is for Trust. Every good relationship has to have the foundation of trust. And it takes some time to be sure it’s strong enough to build a relationship on. If you rush the curing process of the foundation and start building on it you’re asking for troubles.


However, once you know it’s solid and stable, you can build a relationship that will last a life time. As long as nobody starts undermining it that is. Once it’s been tampered with it can be repaired but, usually at great emotional cost. The best way to guard the foundation is through open and honest communication.


“U” is for Unity. Two horses working together can pull 3 to 4 times more weight than one pulling by itself. A happily married couple will experience more joy in life and acquire more assets than 3 to 4 single people will over a life time.


It takes a bit of team work, it’s not all fun and games but, the rewards can be worth the effort. Sometimes you have to take up the slack for your partner and encourage them when they’re down. And it’s good to have a partner who’ll do the same for you.


“V” is for Values. Whatever you do don’t give up your values for a guy! If you compromise them just for him you’ve compromised your own value. Let’s face it, if you can’t persuade or influence him to take on your values before you sleep with him you’ll have a lesser chance afterwards.


Now, put your gun away sister, don’t shoot the messenger, I’m just giving you the facts. I’m not saying it can’t be done; it’s just harder to do. But, who knows he may have had higher values than you do and you’ve compromise his. Guys do have the problem of thinking with the head without the brain sometimes.


“W” is for Words. Life and death is in the power of your words. And the more someone cares for you, the more power your words will have over them. You have the ability to bless or curse, build up or tear down and create or destroy your relationship just with your words.


Your words can be as memorable to him as the first caress of your hands or the last slap of his face. Hurtful words can cut like a knife and leave emotions scars that can take years to fade away. And once they come out of your mouth it would be easier to take a chicken away from a hungry gator than to take your words back.


When it’s all said and done and you look back over your life just before you leave this world. It’ll be your words and actions that will determine whether you have regrets or good memories. So, choose them wisely!


“X” is for the X’s. We have all had past relationships that ended some as friends and some not so well. But, the past is just that, the past. It’s all history now. So, we take the lessons we’ve learned and apply them to our future.


And it’s always best to forgive the ones who’ve hurt or offended us and let it go back into the past and move on without carrying all the excess baggage with us. We can move much more easily into new relationships when we’re not lugging around unnecessary burdens. We only end up hurting ourselves by holding a grudge not the offender anyway.


“Y” is for You. You are a remarkable individual and one of a kind. Others may come close but, no one is exactly like you. You have a unique set of assets in your talents and abilities and in your experiences and knowledge. In fact you are priceless and irreplaceable. And right now your life is an unfinished book. The good news is; you are the author.


And you get to decide who or what you put into it. If you want others to enjoy it too, you might add more humor than drama. And find yourself a fun loving co-author; one you can be proud of who’ll appreciate you for just being you. And encourage you along the way clear to the end. Hopefully for your sake, one that can spell better than I can.


“Z” is for Zip. Zip pity dew daw zip pity day, I’m think I’m about out of things to say. But, Claire Casey has a lot more to share about this in her program called Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever. I went through the whole thing last weekend and felt like I had to tell you about it so you could too.


Claire understands men better than they do themselves. And shows you several ways to get the one you choose chasing you without having to throw yourself at him. And make him think it was his own idea that he chose you all along.


I just shared with you my primary version of the ABC’s of relationships. However, Claire can offer you almost a masters degree in men. So, whether you want to attract a man or get him to make a commitment. Or you want the one you already have to treat you better then this will help you solve your problem.


Chris Baker

Until next time,





  1. Darryl
    Posted January 7, 2014 at 10:12 pm | Permalink

    Hi, after reading this remarkable post i am too delighted to share
    my know-how here with mates.

    Chris: Well, we’re waiting for what you have to share, so far you haven’t said anything

  2. Posted May 11, 2014 at 7:24 am | Permalink

    It makes me wonder how could you think of all these stuff and put it perfectly together. You are awesome you know! I like it when you say ‘Don’t Do Dramas’, it makes me question myself whether I have done any drama.

    Thanks for sharing this!

  3. Posted November 21, 2014 at 11:05 am | Permalink

    Wow! What a great post. Your post is rich in information, but perhaps what makes me like all the more is the creativity that goes into producing such a piece. “Zip pity dew daw zip pity day”,one word: wonderful.

    Chris: What can I say Batians? I ran out of things to write and just had to end the post somehow. Have a wonderful day!

  4. Posted October 4, 2015 at 2:31 pm | Permalink

    “Low self-confidence comes from a fear that we won’t measure up to others or their expectations of us. And it’s usually thrown on us by some outside source.”

    You’ve said this absolutely right, who know the other person might be thinking and fearing the same.

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