Getting a Divorce

Getting a Divorce?

 

Are you considering getting a divorce? If you’re being abused go find a lawyer now. Otherwise, if you have kids I would like to share a kids perspective with you. A divorce is a life changing decision for the parents but, for the children they don’t get a say in the matter. So, it can be emotionally devastating to them and take a toll on their futures.

 

I’m sure you love your children and you want what’s best for them too. Otherwise, you would have treated them like a noisy grandfather clock in the middle of the night when their diaper was wet and ignored them. But, you didn’t just tune them out and roll over and go back to sleep. You got out of your nice warm bed and took care of their needs. Because that’s what good parents do for their children.

 

Since you’re a parent I hope you’ll appreciate a child’s perspective of having her parents separated. Now, just to be up front and honest with you I wrote this letter for Ava after the last time I saw her. She was fighting back her tears over her parents separating and she actually knows nothing about me writing this. I put myself in her shoes and felt her pain, at times I had to stop writing because, it broke my heart.

 

I put it in a font to simulate a child’s writing so maybe you can experience the feelings I felt. If you do you’ll need some tissues. I could use some advice here! Should I tell her mom about the letter or just stay out of her business and let whatever happens to my little friend Ava just happen? I’ve been told to mind my own business but, I’m really torn about that. Leave me a commit at the end with your opinion about it.

 

 Dear Mommy,

 

 Please wake me up and tell me I’m just having a bad dream! And you two aren’t really separated. Although my eyes are open now, my pillow is wet from tears. Why does this nightmare have to be my new reality I’m forced to live in?

Sad Girl
Photo credit: grietgriet from morguefile.com

 

 I’m only seven years old and my sister’s five what did we ever do to deserve this? Isabella is too young to really understand but, my life feels like it’s been turned upside down and inside out. And when daddy pulled out of the driveway the other day and didn’t even give me a hug good bye. It felt like he ran over my heart. It took all I could do just to stand there with my little sister and fight back the tears.

 

 I could see it in Mrs. Baker’s eyes when I turned to her to say I have to go in now, she knew how I felt. I don’t know if it was my uncontrollable quivering lips or teary eyes but, she knew. When she asked for a hug it was comforting but, it couldn’t take the place of the one I missed from my daddy.

 

 There are just so many uncertainties about my future now that I’ve never experienced before. And a feeling of insecurity I can’t even begin to express since daddy moved away. He has always been there to protect me before and I had hoped and assumed it would never change. Why did my daddy leave me?

 

 Was it because of me? I promise mommy, I’ll do better if it was. Please tell daddy what I said and tell him to come home. I love my whole family and it takes all of us to make it complete. He’s been there for me my entire life and I don’t know if I can live without him. Please mommy, tell him for me to come home!

 

 I know you love me too but, it’s just not the same anymore without daddy. When I get up in the morning and see his empty chair at the breakfast table I can hardly eat. And when I get home from school he’s not there to help me with my homework. Or tell me his silly jokes that always made me laugh or to take me on a bike ride.

 

 And at night he’s not here anymore to pick me up and give me a reassuring hug to let me know he still loves me. Or the kiss on the cheek and tickle me like he used to do as he tucked me into bed before he said goodnight and turned out the light. So, now I cry myself to sleep, I miss my daddy.

 

 I don’t know what’s going on between you two. And I want to tell you what to do but, since I’m only three and a half feet tall you probably wouldn’t listen to me anyway. But, why can’t you take your own advice?

 

 When me and Isabella aren’t getting along you tell us to talk it out, work it out then kiss and make up. So we can have peace and harmony in our family again. Why won’t that work for you too? I’ll even give you all my toys if that would help you get along again and bring daddy back home to us.

 

 Mommy, I know you still love us but, daddy used to say that all the time too. Even though he calls us and says he still does he’s not here. So, I’m starting to wonder when you’re going to leave too. And where are me and Isabella going to end up when you do?

 

 Or better yet can we go with you if you do? PLEASE mommy, can we come too? We don’t want to be alone! We promise we’ll be good but, please don’t leave us! We’ll have nowhere to go.

 

 When you and daddy got married didn’t you both promise to love each other for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health until death do you part? But, neither one of you are dead! Does this mean promises aren’t really true? They can be broken. Isn’t that the same as lying? What am I supposed to believe now?

 

 If promises don’t have to be kept because they’re easier to break than keep. Then is truth simply a feeling that can change at any time for any reason? You say you love me and used to say you love daddy but, why would he leave if he felt loved? Do I have to leave if you stop loving me too?

 

 I know you would never tell me because I’m just a kid but, what’s changed? I know my daddy and he would never leave us without a reason. Would he? Why can’t we change things back the way they used to be when we were all together? Didn’t we have more fun when daddy was here?

 

 Aren’t you and daddy best friends, don’t you love each other anymore? Me and Isabella are best friends and I can’t imagine not loving her anymore. Even though we argue sometimes I don’t want her to leave. My life would never be the same without her.

 

 My friend at school said her daddy left and few months later her parents got a divorce. And now instead of living in their nice big house she has to live in a little bitty apartment with just her mom and brother. They even had to get rid of most of their things because they couldn’t fit them in the apartment.

 

 Her mommy and daddy hardly ever talk since he got a new girlfriend. She said she doesn’t like his girlfriend because she’s mean to her and her brother when her dad is not around. Yet they still have to spend the weekends with them because some judge said they have to. That just doesn’t seem fair to me.

 

 One day she came to school with a black eye. She said a neighbor boy at her apartment complex was picking on her little brother and when she tried to stop it, he punched her right in the eye. She said that would have never happened if they still lived in their old house. Because; they had nice neighbors there.

 

 Are you and daddy going to get a divorce? Will we have to move into a little apartment and am I going to get beat up too? I want my daddy back! He’d protect me. He wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me if he were here.

 

 Please mommy can’t you do something? I don’t want daddy to get a mean girlfriend even if she is younger and prettier than you. I want you and daddy back together again!

 

 The other day when Isabella and I was at Mrs. Bakers her son Chris was there and he could see I was fighting back my tears over our home situation. And he knew exactly how I felt so; he wrote this letter for me and put it up on his web site to share my feelings with you. But, I think my writing is better than his and probably my spelling too.

 

Love Ava,

 

 P.S. He’s had kids, he’s seen their tears and he knows their fears and how a divorce can mess with our emotions. He knows girls need their daddies so when they get older they don’t look for love in the wrong places to try to make up for the love they didn’t get from their dad growing up.

 

Statistics show children from divorced parents are more likely to have lower grades, develop health issues have more problems relating with their peers and siblings and tend to be more aggressive towards others. A child raised by a single female is 10 times more likely to be physically harmed or murdered.

 

Children of divorced parents are more likely to run with the wrong crowd, experiment with drugs and alcohol, drop out of school before graduating and be in trouble with the law, than children growing up with their own biological parents. And they’re more apt to attempt suicide and get divorced themselves when they’re an adult.  75% of prison inmates in for life, come divorced parents.

 

Now, those are just some of the negative side affects divorce can have on the children. They don’t always happen but, divorce increases their risks of happening. Aren’t your children worth the extra effort it takes to save your marriage and save them and yourself from years of heart ache?

 

Quite often for the parents who go through a divorce, it can turn in to a vicious cycle of one marriage after another. And if it’s not stopped the cycle can be passed down to the next generation to repeat it’s self. Is that really the kind of family tradition you want to pass on to your future generations?

 

Chances are you or your spouse came from a broken home yourself. If that’s the case then you have a chance to change the standard and set an example for your family. After all kids tend follow in their parents footsteps.

 

Divorce may seem like the easy way out of a marriage that’s not going as good as it could right now. But, in reality after counting the costs of lawyers, dividing the assets and the negative side effects on the entire family not to mention your friends. Is it really going to be all that easy? And then have to watch your children pay the emotional price for years to come.

 

Now, I’m not saying you should stay together just for the sake of the kids, even though they should be a good reason for you to at least try. Maybe, you’ve been to a marriage counselor a few times and that hasn’t seemed to have helped any. The bad news is a lot of them can’t help and it’s not because they’re not trying.

 

It just takes time to get to the real core of a marital issue to be able to help solve it. So, at fifty bucks an hour or more, they ask the couple a lot of questions to get the answers. But, if you stop and think about it, you already have the answers to their questions. All you really need is the right questions and a little advice on how to use them to solve your-own marriage problems.

 

Would you pay fifty bucks or more and have to leave the comfort of your home to go to a store just to try on a pair of shoes? If you like them and they fit great, if they won’t work for you, too bad you still bought them. Or would you rather have them delivered to your door for less money and give you sixty days to decide if they’ll work for you. And if not, they’ll refund every penny and let you keep the shoes just for trying them?

 

Well, that’s pretty much the same difference between a marriage counselor and how Save the Marriage System works. With a counselor you’re paying for a chance to improve your marriage. Without any kind of guarantee it will work for you. And with the Save the Marriage System Lee Baucom is so sure you’ll see major improvements in your marriage within sixty days. Or he’ll give you a NO hassle money back guarantee if for some reason (which you won’t have to explain) it doesn’t work for you.

 

Here’s what comes in the Save the marriage system:

1. The Top Five Things NOT to do When Your Partner Wants Out. A lot of people will get these wrong because, they are natural reactions but, they only make the situation worse.

2. Quick-Start Guide to Saving Your Marriage. This helps you figure out what stage you’re in in your marriage crisis and the shortest path to take to get you back on the road to marital bliss.

3. Save The Marriage Core Component. This will help you dig down to find the root cause of your marriage issues and how to treat it and not just the symptoms of it.

4. Down-N-Dirty Guide to Saving Your Marriage. This is a step-by-step coaching guide to help you put to use all the information you gathered from the above to start rebuilding your marriage better than it was before.

And Lee has four more bonuses he wants to give you also, but I’ll let him tell you about them when you click on one of the blue links.

 

I really wish there was an easy button to push or a magic wand to wave to solve your marriage problems. Unfortunately, there’s not. If you’re like me you’d probably break it or lose anyway. So, Save the Marriage System is the best I can offer you right now. And I hope you’ll at least give it a try for your kids sake and give it some reconsideration about NOT getting a divorce.

 

 

Until Next Time

It doesn’t take a village to raise a kid

but a kid left to his own devices

may become the next village idiot

Chris Baker